*Note when I say "The Bachelor", I'm using it as an umbrella term for "The Bachelor", "The Bachelorette", and "Bachelor in Paradise" (or "BIP")*
I got hooked on The Bachelor during Desiree's season in 2013 and did what most viewers tend to do: Vow never to watch this trash again, but then the favorite contestant gets picked as the star of the next season and you say "Oh, now I've gotta see how this unfolds." It happens every season. Remember when "After The Final Rose" on Juan Pablo's season, the camera zoomed in on two perfectly tanned, toned legs and everyone went wild because Andi Dorfman was the new Bachelorette?
I have to say I haven't been so excited for a Bachelor season until Nick Viall was announced.
Now, let's get to answer the title of this blog post:
"The Bachelor" uses the perfect entertainment formula. It mixes luxury, beauty, romance, drama, and ridiculousness into one show.
Let's start with luxury.
The Bachelor Mansion is a villa-style house on a hill overlooking Agoura Hills, California. It's gorgeous. Enough said.
The dates tend to involve private jets, helicopters, yachts, hot tubs, photoshoots, and sometimes D-list celebrities (although they get huge props for snatching the Backstreet Boys). There's always an endless amount of booze and private candle-lit dinners with food that never gets eaten.
If that's not enough, the show spends the second third of the season traveling to different countries. I'd sign up for the show just for the free trip, honestly.
Next, and probably most importantly, is beauty.
"The Bachelor" normally starts with 30 contestants fighting for "true love" (and when I say true love, I mean at least 15 minutes of fame). The contestants are always hot. The women have incredible bodies and somehow a different low neckline/slit dress for each day and the men have six packs (at least) and somehow a different scarf for each day.
Ninety perfect of "Bachelor in Paradise" is tan half-naked bodies on a beach.
Women watch the show to root for the cutest woman, shit-talk the hottest but most annoying woman, and oogle at the men with good bodies and, more importantly, the men with the kindest natures.
Men watch the show to oogle at the hot women. Enough said.
The end goal of "The Bachelor" show is for a couple find love and get engaged. 42 days after meeting each other. It's ridiculous, but I'll get to that point later.
Whether we like it or not, we're all rooting for someone to win the Bachelor/ette's heart. We feel intense passion against the contestant who is definitely psycho but acts normal in front of the Bachelor and we pray that she/he won't get picked.
Who else was heartbroken for Desiree when Brooks turned her down? And who else was angry that Amanda stayed with Josh on last season's BIP?
The real romance isn't between the contestants and the Bachelor/ette, the romance is between the show and the viewers. It's an unhealthy love, but it's a love nonetheless.
I don't know where to even begin with this point. The entire show is drama.
When Andi stuck it to Juan Pablo, when Ashley I. wouldn't stop crying over Jared, when Samantha told Joe to do whatever it takes to stay on BIP until she showed up and then dumped him, when Nick showed up in the middle of Kaitlyn's season, when Bad Chad was a misogynistic asshole, and most recently, when Corrine took her top off and pissed off the rest of the girls in the house. The list continues, and I really need to re-think my life after realizing how much I've remembered of this show.
The magical producers have definitely tweaked a few things. For one, in Desiree's season a woman showed up at the mansion claiming to be one of the contestant's girlfriends. Yeah right. It can be a bit too obvious sometimes when a crazy man or woman is planted into the show, acts like a buffoon, and magically gets roses for at least five weeks.
The editing team nails it with upcoming episode previews, cutting scenes at just the right time so we believe, i.e. a girl slapped Nick Viall when it was just her "acting out a break-up". I also have my suspicions that Liz was planted for drama, but Nick nipped that in the butt real quick.
We can't forget The Bachelor's best dramatic trick that keeps us coming back for more: "To be continued..."
This is the series in a nutshell, but "The Bachelor" creators love to stir the pot and it's probably the best part.
BIP is a complete joke, from the cheesy intro, to Jorge the bartender, to raccoons as Clare's confidant. BIP is hands-down my favorite spin-off and unfortunately it's only on once a year!
Guys, this is a 2-hour show on a Monday night. No one likes a Monday but after a long day at work, you have "The Bachelor" waiting for you at home. TWO HOURS of golden entertainment!
Enjoy Nick's season, Bachelor Nation. Let's hope he finds love, more Instagram followers, or whatever it is he's looking for.
P.S. To any Bachelor Producers (Elan Gale, cough cough), if you need anymore PAs for this year's BIP, sign me up!